Assignment #19

I see beyond it all. you were my best friend, and I was yours. We were two in one, but it was all lost from one day to another. I understand, and I know why we're no longer friends; best friends. I accept it and I stand my ground. Things happen and I believe that they all happen for a reason, and in the end i'll see why. I use to tell you all and you would do the same. you and I we're best friends; but we no longer can look at each other. I've cried and cried over it. But i'm done whimpering. Its finally got through my head. I know that its better this way. I choose for it to be this way. No, I was forced to make this choice. I will follow it..
I look bad and see all the great times we've been through. All the bad, and all the confused situations. We got through it though, we did because, thats how solid our bounds as best friends was. I remember, and cry. I also remember the reason for us not being anything but complete strangers to each other. It makes me hate you. I've never said that about anybody before, except one other person but, that's a different story. One that has no happy ending, or sad. Its a blank and distant but close memory. Just like this one. Meaningless to my heart, head, and soul.
Why are we not best friends, friends; two people who atleast say hi to each other. Because, "You knew, that they meant everything to me!" I told myself after that night. You lied, denied, betrayed, cheated me, back stabbed me in the heart. Its okay.. I hope all you did, once again, was worth it because, karma's a b****. I will not get back at you, worse, or get even, I will do nothing. But wait. Ill be okay, and she'll be okay. We have gone our seperate ways, maybe not on best terms but, we're mature enough to end it all pure silence. We have memories that we'll always remember; never to be forgotten. And we have those that weren't so great. Their still memories. Years and years of friendship all ending to an end of nothing. All we had, being thrown away. That never ending ache of losing my best friend from kindergarden; by choice, will never go away. I understand and accept it. It was all great, I can just see it. We're all okay and together as one. Brothers and sisters. Best friends all we are, and I can see, we'll all be okay. Reality hits, and iv'e suddenly changed heart...

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Assignment #18 - Sweet Sound of Red to Black

I'm stuck in a never ending nightmare
Of regret and confusion
My heart races
My shadow has left my side
I'm all alone now
Lost
Forgotten
Hollow
No light in sight
Your my never ending nightmare
Who once was apart of a dream
You walked
I walked
Seperate ways we went
I became a distant memory in your head;
In your heart
Don't come looking for me now
Because i'm gone
I've disappeared into nothing but air
Heartbroken and gloomy mooded
I'm getting what I deserve
I let myself be fooled by your
"forever" promise
Of bullshit.

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Extra Poem.

Yellow angels in the sky
Catching flashes of my life;
Our love
You made it so hard for me to close my eyes,
Lover of mine
There's nothing left for me to lose;
Except confusion I have to let go
What happened to my love?
Our true love I'm living the moment
So in the morning, ill love you twice as much
A beautiful last goodbye
So don't say hi
Your were never mine
You were never one to play fair I can't bare
So go unloved
Your hurting me without realization
Please be my salvation
I swear, i'd do it all again
For you.

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Assignment #16

I'm at top. I feel as if so, I'm on top of the world. It's breezy; very. Chills have been runnworldsing down my spine, my cheeks, my arms like ice hitting that spot, where it might feel as if there is a ghost somewhere near by.

Rewind.

Dirt. Not a big fan, but it feels calm. Big, green trees everywhere. It smells like oak and fresh air that has never been poluted. Peace is, the one and only word that comes to mind. It also feels empty, somehow. I'm glad I felt the peace vibe. It was so wonderful, like cottoncandy, touching your tounge for the first time. It smells sweet, and you cant wait to enjoy the taste. It melts once it hits your taste buds; its amazing..

Rewind.

Nice, hot, smooth atmosphere. Ot surrounds me. I love it. I wish to never leave. Even if there are leaves raining off the trees branches, as if it were fall. But the climate doesn't match. Its perfect! I'm surrounded by my favorite colors; orange, yelloe, light green, fadding leaves turning brown. Ready to crumble, to disappear; fade.

Rewind.

Smoky brown is what I see once I open my eyes. Am I dreaming? I felt my self dreaming before, a couple seconds ago, of a beautiful meadow. Yellow, orange, light green leafs, surrounded me. I close my eyes trying to remember, the beautiful beyond explaining dream. I open my eyes once more. Chocolate fills the room; it smells like wonderful chocolate. I take a deep breath and want more..

I'm walking away from a black door. Black door? Is that a good sign..? I walk a bit faster. Wow. I become speechless. Its a meadow. A beautiful, beautiful meadow. I begin to walk faster to reach this wonderful place but, soon, it all disappears; in a second. I wake up, to the smothering, sweet like smell of chocolate. It smells ginger, cinnamon sweetly. I breathe in deep to the core, its amazing! I see brown wood upon my head. I get up and stand next to the bed; wondering how I got here. I decided it doesnt matter, all that does is, I'm here. I look around and see on the walls photography of places, the beach, mountains, flowers. Under the sea photography? Wow. A really great photographer must have taken them. I walk around, notice a black smoky brown guitar. Piks of all colors. Black, orange, purple, navy blue; brilliant! I spy a desk, it has a bunch of notebooks, filled with thoughts and feelings. Dated and timed.

October 26, 2010 - 9:43pm

"Remember me, remembering sunday. The only one who could ever hurt me is, you."

Who is hurting so much? They sound so heart broken. I feel as if i should try to help this person, somehow. But its only a memory, a thought that was only once felt...

I continue looking, and come across drawings, pencils, pastals, oil chalk. An artist? I dare not open the drawing pad. As if they feel to be more private, than the notebooks. I turn around and spot a drawer. I walk to it, and open it to find a collection of cameras. Of all types, cameras of models from years ago, recent types, my favorite, are the old aged ones. Their beautiful. I start noticing how warm the hardwood floor feels. Oh, a fireplace was lit. It feels good, as I bend down and warm my hands. Almost touching the flames; it feels good, great, warm..like chocolate. A piano. How did I not notice it before. Its an antique. Its beyond anything beautiful I had ever seen.. I'm in love. Yes, with the piano. Its dark brown, but light. Its somewhat damaged, but thats what makes it beautiful beyond words. I'm afraid to touch it but I cant resist. Once I hit first note, its like we have a connection. I play as if I were a pro and I knew it from years ago. My music fills the room the room and I fit the sceen. Is this my cabin...

"The piano is the heart of my hands."

The black door; the only exit.

I stand before the black door, I want out, but not really. Such an amazing cabin; my cabin? All I ever dreamed of. The black door frightens me, it shouldnt, its my front door. I go for it and open it, to surprise myself with dark, gray clouds above the sky. Just a piece of darkness though. At the other end of it, appears a bright light, surrounded by an archer of branches and fall time leafs.

"its okay, I'm okay." I tell myself. I want to reach that light so, I start towards it. "I'm okay." I tell myself once more. It was no danger, just an image or illusion. Inner feeling? Maybe..

I reach a meadow. Its amazingly beautiful. The entrance was built of branches and small twiggs. With leafs dropping down to the ground, as if it were fall; my favorite time of the year. I step in and fall in love with the moment. With the place, what is surrounding me, its smell, warmth. Tangy, orange, fruity smells. Warmth? Doesnt match the fall like weather. Its perfect. Its a short meadow, but filled with lots of beauty. There are a lot of trees with orange, yellow, light green, soon to be brown leaves. Ready to crumble to the ground, leaving the trees clothless. I would still think the trees would be pretty even leaf-less. I'm tempted to run back to the cabin and grab one of the vintage cameras. The sun is shinning down through the branches. Bright, yellow, rays of sun, its god like. I felt safe and loved, by just the heat coming down. Its not hot, but its not cold. Its neither. It felt good. I never want to leave this meadow.

It came to an end. The beautiful meadow was left behind. I had to leave it behind, as to keep going. I continue, coming to the end of the meadow. I feel like crying but out of happiness because I got to experience the brilliant of the outside world; meadow. Bigger beauty I see, in sight. A huge, steep, mountain, stands before me. With a dirt road, waiting for me to be stepped on; for the first time. The climax has changed to much cooler but, not cold. Nutrial I suppose. I walked forward, and begin going up the path. Different trees, diffrent emotions, crossing my path of sight. I see no sign of other human life; any life, except me. No birds, no little ants walking a line, going down to their home under ground. It felt lifeless. I was ready to leave this place, wanting the dirt road to come to an end. It was too quite. I look up to the sky and see no clouds in sight. No sign of any action about to happen. I was ready to go beyond this greater calm good.

I have reached the top the mountain. I'm at top, and it feels like nothing can bring me down. The sky looks different now; full of life. The oposite of how it once was. No birds still, clouds, yes. Gray, as If it were getting ready to rain. That would be nice. I get a chill down my spine, across my cheek, and my arms. It feels great, as if the breeze was letting me know that I was right, its going to rain. What is the journey? It begins to rain. Everything starts making more sense. It smells wonderful, fresh. Like if the rain was getting ready to start to clean away all bad. Puddles begin to form at my feet so, much problems, tears that i've shed, the heartbreaks, let downs, broken promises, loss of trust.. Thumder breaks lose, strikes down, upon me; I'm not afraid.

Relization hits me hard; to the core. Its a journey of my struggles, my good and or bad memories; a journey of my life. The meaning of this journey is, the cabin; the heart of what I love. Of who I am. The piano, the camera's, all the notebooks and drawings. Its all mine; its me. My heart is, the cabin. The small gap between the cabin and the meadow is a hard struggle. I went through and got through. I had faith in myself and I made it. Which lead me to the meadow; a safe place. A place that I wanted to be in and did want to leave but I had to, in order to grow and expand my knowing of the outside world. About life, and love. So I came out of hidding, to hit another rough patch. I felt lost. Empty, and life less. The dirt road headed up to where I stand now. On top of the world, I feel as so, while rain; my strength, hits down on me. I come to remember all my heartbreaks, brokem promises; the worst. My good memories, my friends, all the good times. My first love..

"We're all intitled to one regret. I never thought mines would be falling in love with you.."

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Assignment #14

I would have to side with being against uniforms because as I being in high school, and liking to have the right to wear what I choose to; I wouldnt want someone to tell me what to wear. Have the privilege to wear what we choose to now is, awesome. At the moment we wear what we like, but have rules; limits. There are certain things we can not wear. Limiting how we may wear our pieces of clothing. Viewing both points of why it may be good or bad, to have uniforms in high schools, is important. My viewing point and the one I'm fighting for is, against uniforms. Students should be allowed their opinion to be heard, shown. Why not through how they dress, to express. Uniforms can also put schools out more presentable. I dress to my own style, and wouldnt want to be told what to wear daily, and I'm pretty sure others wouldnt want their styles to change.

I say, "NO uniforms!" I'm against them because, personally having to be told what to wear, wouldnt be right with me. How to wear it, and looking exactly the same as everyone else, I doubt anyone else would like it either. We all dress to show our own unique personality, our taste. We show others what we want them to see, and hide what we dont with our sense of style too. Why not let students choose what they prefer. Let them be themsleves. Letting them do so, their feelings are being expressed, by their clothing. It helps students to enjoy their day more. They feel comfortable wearing what they want, and how they want. Who says that getting students to wear uniforms will get them to score higher on test?

With having the right to wear what we choose to, with limits is good. A good deal. We are given the choice, and "they" who say what we can or can not wear, can set limits. For guys, no sagging jeans, none gang related stuff. For girls, approiate clothes. Nothing extreme, or out there. Being safe, by not wearing, sandals, chains, pointy objects etc. Having boundries, but having the privilege sounds reasonable. I took some data charts of how many students would be for uniforms or against uniforms. Most said, against. (18 out 20) stated by a student, that said, "against uniforms" stated, "I wouldnt want to have to wear uniforms because, my style is my own, I wouldnt want to be told what to wear." -Caroline

I have some more references, towards what the parents think about uniforms. Stated by a parent, a resident in U.S says, " I did not see that it made anythings "better", there were still peer presure, clique problems, pricing, and test scores remained the same." - Debra Werner

I tend to agree, but everyone is intitled to their own opinion.

Viewing both points is, important. Knowing the good and bad, coming from both sides of a case is needed. Uniforms may be good, when trying to show that the school is organized; proper. Also stated by a student in Gainevillie High School says, she hopes to get uniforms at her school. She states, "when we grow up and get jobs there will be a dress code that we will have to follow. Its doesnt matter where you work, weither it be at Macdonalds, Checkers Auto Store or even at the Hospital." She also comments, "you come to school to learn and make something of yourself. Uniforms will not change weither a student wants to go to school or not." -Ashley Hickmon

Whether we have uniforms or not, students habits will not change. Grades will remain the same because, even if changing what students wear wont make a difference academically. Students choose to do what they want because of who they are and what they want. Many people argue that uniforms will change those habits but, thats not true. No matter if uniforms are passed on, there will still be "clique" issues, bullying, critism towards each other.

My personal opinion, towards being against uniforms is, agreeing with some of the people out there. "Uniforms wont change them; us, academically. We take action by mind, not physically. Why not let us wear what we want, stop focusing on changing us and look for plans to help us get bettet test scores. If thats what your goal is, leave our dress code of wearing cool jeans and awesome radd tee's alone!

Choosing to be against school uniforms is, my statement. "Uniforms DOES NOT solve peer pressure, or stop bullying." I quote myself. This comes from personal experiance. I use to be bullyied and because of how I wore my uniform or even how I looked in it. It didnt stop girls from bullying me on what I wore. I'm pretty sure it made the bullying that much worse. I don't remember my grades get better; improving because, of my uniforms. This is why I dont agree with uniforms passing on.

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Assignment #15

Taking time to put effort into something meaningful for someone. Something that you know they'll appreciate no matter how it looks, or what its made of. Looking beyond the visual outcome to seeing the inner feeling and though it was made from.

Making a simple birthday card can be the best gesture out there. You took the time to think about that person, who means something close to you, and instead of "buying" them a "hallmark" card, you made it from scratch. Its that thought that someone will remember beyond all other cards. It came from the heart, your love, and feelings that you hold for that someone.

I make you a card, so you can see how I feel for you. I'm showing you my love, and I'm showing you how what I feel for you.I'm letting you know that I know you. I know that you'll always remember the time when I "made" you a special card, instead of buying you one.

"Its the thought that counts, and matters."

Excepting my thought and knowing that I made it for you, out of your inner self, because thats how much caring thought I put into it. I took the time to spend making you something, from my heart, and thought; just for you. I know that it'll be remembered and brought up someday, instead of being put away in shoebox; forgotten.

Assignment #9

If at some point in your life, you loved someone you weren't suppose to; you weren't allowed to love. What is it that was going through your mind? I wish I had never loved. All the negativity between "why" and "how could you!" It goes round and round, with no end to the madness of sadness. You replay the wonderful moments you spent with him, even if it makes your heartache endlessly. Cries, tears, pain, are all reminders that it was once true and that, that love once did exist. Between the two of us, "Two is better than one." What makes this situation most difficult is that he is not what he appears to be. He doesn’t belong in my world, and I would never belong in his.

I lay in the grass field, all alone, with only the breeze, and the shaking of the trees, for company. The breeze travels across my cheek; I feel a sudden rush of warmth, but how? It’s the middle of fall. I was imagining this, so I ignore the feeling. I sit up to gaze beyond the gray black skies. To think to myself, “Another horrible storm is on its way.” That’s the third one this week. Before lying down, I was spending my late afternoon sketching, taking some pictures; of things that caught my eye and writing down lyrics about how I was feeling. I do this every day after school, for at least a couple hours, mostly till it gets dark. I’m that type of girl that is very silent, and hardly ever says her opinion out loud. I do have friends, well just two but it’s better than having none. Their around, at times, but mostly we just say were friends, we never hangout really. I manage on my own though, with notebooks, pencils, my I-pod, and camera. It’s really all I need. Out of no where, my thoughts on how simple my life is were disturbed with a gut feeling of butterflies, as if I was getting a rush of acceleration; nerves. I was so deep in thought; I hadn’t noticed the smoke coming from beyond the grass field; where I live. I grabbed all of my things, and headed towards the house. “This couldn’t be happening.” was all I was thinking. I’m so afraid, that my mom might be in the house, while this is going on. Once I got there, I witnessed. Witnessed that a huge craft of metal had landed well more like crashed, into my front yard. My moms car wasn't in the drive way. Thank god, she's still at work.

I started noticing some movement coming from the, spaceship? I wasn't sure what it was but something was coming out from it. I stepped back, frightened, and hid somewhere, that I thought was safe enough, but wasn't. Whatever stepped out was looking straight at me. It was, tan brown colored, I really wasn't sure. I don't know how to describe what I was looking at exactly, all I knew was that I was very afraid. Out of no where, what I thought I was looking at; alien maybe, turned into human form. I couldn’t believe what I seeing, it looked so...magical. He transformed into this, well very surprisingly cute guy. About seventeen years of age, light brown hair, blue eyes, and about six feet tall. Wow. My perfect guy. He looked at me without one single blink occurring through the stare. I stared back. I knew he was something else; not human, but I still couldn’t resist the fact that I might have a crush on him. Our gaze was broken when my mom’s car pulled up. I looked over to where my mom was getting out of her car, in total shock. I turned back to look at the mysterious “guy”, he was gone. I ran towards my mom, who was on the floor, passed out. Crap. What I’m I going to do! I heard this beeping noise behind me, I turned and the spaceship was gone.

Okay, I had to think fast, first: get my mom inside, second: clean front yard, third: wait.. that’s it. Once I got my mom inside the house, up to her room, and into bed; which was very difficult. I went outside to see what I could do about the front yard. As I was walking out to the front porch, the, “guy”, super cute “guy” was standing where the spaceship us to be. The yard was exactly how it was before the accident and the weather changed back to just normal fall time. He just stared at me. Why was he just staring!? I was starting to feel faint myself, he ran towards me to catch me. I immediately backed away, and he stopped coming towards me. I ran inside my house, locked the door, and ran up to my mom’s bedroom. I hid under the covers, and soon found myself very tired. I fell asleep before I knew it.

I woke up to some hot breathe coming towards my face. “Vanessa, sweetie, are you okay?” It was my mom. I got up and replied, “yeah mom, I‘m okay.” She looked at me none convinced, but just walked off and told me to follow. That was my mom; non-pushing. She didn’t like getting in my business unless I let her in. I liked that she respected my privacy. Anyways, I walked down stairs with her, and as she walked out into the porch, I remembered what had happened earlier. Was it all a dream? It felt so real, I wasn’t sure what to think. She explained to me what she “thought” she saw, and ended the story with, “it was just a dream probably.” I agreed, just so she wouldn’t worry. If my mom “dreamed” what I thought that I “dreamt”, than it was real because no two people can dream the same thing, can they? No, they can’t. We went back inside, had dinner, and we both went our separate ways to bed afterwards.

I got to my bedroom, super tired, went straight to my bathroom and took a quick shower. Once I got out, got dressed and prepped myself for bed, I noticed a flashing light coming from outside my window. I went to go look out, and it was him, he was trying to get my attention. He waved at me to come outside. I shook my head and mouthing “No.” He mouthed back, “Trust me.” I didn’t know what to do. I decided I would go, but before I would leave a note, telling my mom all the truth, that her “dream” was true. At the “guy” and where I’m going; you know, just incase I don’t come back. Ending the note with, “I love you mom.” I walked down stairs, out the door and meet with him in the front yard; kept my distance. I rushed right into it, “What do you want? Who are? Where did you come from?” He stayed silent. Than he began to walk towards the my “spot”, where I spend my afternoons. I followed. He stopped right under this cherry blossom tree, my mom and I had planted years ago, when I was a baby. It was far beyond huge now. We both stood right under it, and he turned to me. “Hi, my name is, Christopher.” I was in shock, his voice was so.. Beautiful. He sound angel like, with such a musical inspirational type of voice. He smiled at me. He looked nice, I think so I smiled back and said, “Hi. I‘m Vanessa.” I saw our whole happy life together flash before my eyes. Was this love?

I woke the next morning in my bed, groggy. I went to go look out my window like last night, it was beyond foggy outside. I liked days like this, calm, and full of inspiration to write. Today is Friday, October 23. Almost the weekend. While I got ready for school, I thought about the night before. Christopher is his name, and he’s amazing. I know its soon to say that I really like him, but than I would be lying to myself. We connected, and what I felt last night won’t change. We talked all night long, about everything we could possibly think of. He told me about his life, and I told him about mine. Mine, which wasn’t too interesting because all I do is be silent. He didn't want to really talk about his own memories, all I got out of him was, his name, and age; which is 17, like how I had guessed when I first saw him. I feel like he lied to me though. I got no explanation of how he came to land into my front yard. Not where he came from, or why he was here. He gazed at me the whole time I talked. Which made me feel like the whole thing was akward, but butterflies bagan to grow in my stomach, which made me feel better. It made it feel like it was okay to like "him."  

STILL TO BE CONTINUED....

Assignmnt #8

As I have come to notice, the moral of “The Necklace” is very outspoken. It’s clear and understandable. First moral, taking things for granted, in life. Second moral, showing off to others, as in faking something you don’t have. Third moral, wanting something you can’t have, getting it, than having to pay back the price in life value because something happened, to that one thing, you once had.

The character from this story wanted it all, but didn’t have much. In her eyes, nothing was good enough. She wasn’t looking closely at what was valuable in front of her eyes. What was best was handed to her, she didn’t appreciate it, took it at all for granted.

Wanting to show off, never ends good. Not being satisfied with what you have, is low self esteem.

Assignment #13

Tonight, our nightmares. Come true in sight.  Let's all run at dawn.

Escape the terror. Away from who seek us. And live to retell.

To retell colors. Black, Orange, Purple, Green. Our nightmares long live.

A Song For Him. ♥

You got me caught in all this mess.

I guess we can blame it on the rain.
My pain is knowing I can't have you.
I can't have you.
Tell me.
Does she look at you the way I do?
Try to understand the words you say
And the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush?
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy?
Am I crazy?
I catch my breath.
The one you took the moment you entered the room.
My heart, it breaks at the thought
Of her holding you.
Does she look at you the way I do?
Try to understand the words you say
And the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush?
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy?
Or is this more than a crush?
Maybe I'm alone in this,
But I find peace in solitude
Knowing if I had but just one kiss
This whole room would be glowing.
We'd be glowing.
We'd be glowing.
Does she look at you the way I do?
Try to understand the words you say
And the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush?
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy?
Or is this more than a crush?

Assignment #10

Bullying is one the biggest issues out in the world right now. I'm pretty sure it always has been. Not only does it happen in schools, but at work, in public common places, even in your own home. Someone being bullied can be scared forever. The history of pain, can haunt them, stay with them and change their future. Just bullying alone can damage someone's life. Anyone can be a bully. It’s mostly done because they’re own life sucks, or it’s being done just for fun. I was bullied at some point in my life, so far. It was the most horrible feeling I had ever had, aside getting heartbroken. Have I ever bullied someone? No, I have not. I have been mean to people, but I would NEVER bully someone daily, or someone who may look like they're from a lower chain. Which is no one, no one is better than me, or less than I.


Bullying is cruel and very hurtful. It involves hurting someone’s feelings. Why would someone be so mean as to hurt others emotionally, physically, and mentally. Maybe their jealous of that one persons simple, happy, full of joy they have in life. The one or many of the people bullies may be hurting, comes with a price in the end. It’ll come around and those being bullied will stand up for themselves one day. Everything has consequences in the end. “Actions speak loud than words.” They’ll take action, while your speaking. To be realistic, the one being the “Bully” won’t like it very much, and the one being “Bullied” will probably get bullied twice as much for it. But to think in thought that who was being bullied stood up and had courage, did what he/she had to do.

Not only does bullying take place on or off school grounds, with kids and teens but also at work; with co-workers. It can be happening in your very own home as well. The chances to being depressed because your being bullied are very high.

Teens, kids suffer from emotional damage daily, if being bullied. They often look to committing suicide as a way out. They go through depression and may also think that running away, as good escape. I think that it would only make things worst, not only for them but for those around them; friends, family, etc. being depressed over the fact of being bullied, is sad. No one should ever go though depression, especially because of someone’s insane way to make your life miserable. Adults being bullied are maybe people who get pushed around at work; they also go through depression, and thoughts of suicide. With bullying occurring at homes is because, it may be happening between siblings, adult and child, or between two adults. It may come to be surprising, but its very true.

Some bullies choose to do what they do because their having problems of their own. They take it out on others by being mean, even doing what is being done to them to others. Low self-esteem can also be a case. They see what others have and want it or ruin it, as if “if I can‘t have it, neither can you.” Jealousy. Another reason why, their probably just plain out mean. It can be enjoyable to them, and that’s why they do it. Which is an understatement because there is no excuse to ever being mean just to be mean.

Being bullied is the worst feeling to ever have to go through. I would know this from personal experience, and till this day, I can look back and feel the pain; still. I was bullied in 6th grade for quite a while. I was the new kid that no one knew and so they picked on me. I was being bullied by these “popular” girls, which they thought they were better than me and that they could just push down my self-esteem. I did over come it, and I stood up for myself. Sure, it may sound like something from a movie scene, but its true. I can think back and still feel hurt, but I also think about the friends I made and the fact that they were popular, no longer mattered. I had found who I was always meant to be friends with, the “outcast”. Which was perfectly okay with me! They were awesome friends. That whole experience made me who I am today. I have NEVER bullied someone to just do, or out of jealousy. I would never want someone to feel as bad as I did while being bullied, because it still hurts me to this day. The thing here is, that I have been mean. Rude, maybe. I do regret that cruelty of me, and everyone says, “No regrets.” That’s a lie. I would know, as I said, I regret ever being mean to anyone.

Bullying comes with consequences, and after effects. There are reasons why bullies bully, and its horrible. Its horrible to be bullied and or to be the bully. It leads to suicide, depression, and long term pain; regrets. Personal experience. I may not have this big story on how I was picked on, but I was and I will always remember the feeling. I have made mistakes in life by being mean, I guess bullying, I have paid the price for that as well. Its karma, and I believe in, “what goes around, comes around.” I would most definitely defend causes against bullying.

Book Report: Dead Girls Dance

My reasoning for choosing "Dead Girls Dance" is, its my favorite book of all time. Its the second book of the "Morganville Series". The book is very tempting, and pushes you to wanting more. There are many secrets rooming around, just dying to get out. Its a very mysterious book, with adventure,trust, love, friendship, and what their willing to sacrafic for one another.

"Dead Girls Dance" is such a random tiltle for the book, it only holds one scene where their at a dance. The words behind the title are, sacrafic, danger, and always trouble.

It might be too much danger for me but its probably a journey in life i would like to experiance.

Assignment #7

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value.

Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you.

There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved.

You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within.

Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences.

Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.

(Jennifer James)

What the quote holds behind its outer shell is, Jealousy is stupid. It has not value, its worth nothing; to no one. Anyone holding it is, unwanted; in my eyes. It’s something that you will have and will regret once you think about it. We cant help it; everyone has been jealous at least once, and we all know its wrong. It’s a feeling we experience, when we aren’t happy with what we have. While being jealous, you forget what you truly have and what you should be treasuring.

We search for what we don’t have, which is what we want, not what we need. You forget what’s most valuable, and pass on it, to get what you desire. When doing so, it will come back, worth nothing to you but worth a million to someone else.

Once you are in too deep in the bad habit, the only way out is, self-value which is, self love. If you don’t think you are being loved, you wont love anyone, let alone yourself. Practice. Better done slowly, than not being done at all.

What has come to find you, your mind will think its not because of a good deed that you once did, but because you think it was just something that came into path; without reasoning. You have to focus inside, within your heart, and be jealous of yourself. Appreciate what you hold deep in you, and don’t let it go. Be jealous of yourself and ONLY yourself.

Be deep, go deep, and find your old self; before the mistakes. Forget the bad times, and remember; always remember the amazing memories, you shared with others and/or yourself. Erase those who once told you other wise and listen to your heart. Love, the love you share.

Revise your mind, and focus on you. Cry if you want to cry, laugh if you want to laugh, but suffice your emotions. Love and be loved, use that love to help others. Others that are going through what you went through, help them love themselves.

I’ve been through a lot, and I have come to realize, that I can not letting any of that hold be back. I love the ones who love me, and anyone new wanting to come into my circle are welcomed. I don’t take things for granted anymore; I know that use to but I double think everything now.

I share my feelings but I’m very closed when it comes to that one love. I’m cautious. We all have lessons that are to be learned, and followed. I appreciate life, and everyone that’s in it.

"Look at life through lense, and remember those memories like a photograph."

Book Report: "Glass House"

The book I chose to read was, Glass House from The Morganville Series. It was recommended to me by my friend, Yanitzel. The book was very tasteful, and in the end I was wanting more. The main characters are Clair Danvers, Michael Glass, Shane Collins, and Eve Ross. They’re close friends living in a town named, Morganville, in Texas. They face a life full of risks and danger because the small town holds a dark secret..

My reasoning for choosing the book is because its full of adventure. It holds love, but mostly it has surprise. They take risks, as friends they protect each other from bad. It has many lessons to be learned, many lessons that can help in life daily. What I learned was, not everything seems to be the way its being put out to show. Everyone has a secret; a secret that’s not meant to be out in the world. Trust is key. No trust, no friendship, means no reality. Friendship cant be labeled as friendship, if its all based on lies. Only trust who you love, and always watch your back. Those are the key openings to staying alive in Morganville. Why? Because the town is full of vampires, who run the town.

Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer and always watch out for anything unusual. That’s Clair’s, Shane’s, Michael’s, and Eve’s strategies.

I’m into books which show courage, reality, strength, with life lessons. With a little love to tie it all together.

The beginning of the series, where every character is introduced, and the story becomes unravel is always the best. The book is always more complicated than it seems, its one that I would recommend. My favorite book of all time.

Essay: I Dream A World

"I Dream A World"

I dream a world where man

No other man will scorn,

Where love will bless the earth

And peace its paths adorn.

I dream a world where all

Will know sweet freedom's way,

Where greed no longer saps the soul

Nor avarice blights our day.

A world I dream where black or white,

Whatever race you be,

Will share the bounties of the earth

And every man is free,

Where wretchedness will hang its head

And joy, like a pearl,

Attends the needs of all mankind

Of such I dream, my world!

(Langston Hughes)

The poem has significant meanings, that many won't notice or may think it can relate to them. I studied it and come to see the true meanings behind to even the simplest lines.

Martin Luther King Jr. spoke this out loud to many individuals, many listened and took in the true meaning behind it. He explains that we as humans, as brothers and sisters should respect each other. Be united as one, to stand side by side through the tough times and the good days. Taking care of one another, our mother earth, which we live in. As a family we will love one another no matter what race, female or male, we stand tall loving everything around us. We are free, with no greed. We'll have joy and happiness within us wherever we are. He dreams of a world where we are all one.

The poem has so much power to want for everything to be just right. Not in a right way of being perfect, but in the way of how things are suppose to be. Freedom, love, happiness, that is what is meant for us all to share with one another. Martin Luther King Jr. showed to us, what this country meant to him, what freedom, love and happiness meant to him. How much he wanted us to have that. With no madness, judgment, cries, and unhappiness to be spun around. We have all torn each other up, separated from each other and have formed groups. Groups in which hate one another. It explains how bad our lives have gotten. With so much racism, the worst of the worst.

Langston Hughes sounded so sure of what he wanted, of what he wanted to see, feel.

Its special, the poem. It says so much and I can feel what he felt he wanted to happen. What we all still wish for till this day. Love, and life are what are most valuable and wanted. We all love someone, someone loves us, we live for each other. Life is energy. I have it, you have, most have it. The ones who don’t, once did, and they loved as well. Peace. Peace is great. Great, as in an almighty way. We don’t have peace, because we still have racism, stereotyping, hatred, war, disagreements, with our own kind. When that stops, we can all finally say “Were at Peace, with Love and Life, as equals.” Till then it all remains sad.

Essay: RACE in America



The Islamic Mosque, The Quran Burning and Immigration are three topics that are all very similar to each other. They all deal with racism and judgmental criticism.

With the building of a center of an Islamic Mosque so near to the 9/11 location, it has caused so many outburst. The public is offended towards the building of the center, and wants it to be removed. A lot has been said, and everyone is speaking out about their opinions. Mine for example does not agree with it being a doing to offend the memorials of the lost ones from the 9/11.

The burning of The Quran is, a doing by a Pastor named Terry Jones. He thinks that by this doing of burning the Corian Bible, it would honor the losses of the 9/11. He is very wrong, to my opinion. He is being judge mental and racist towards the Islamic religion.

In other news is, Immigration. Immigration has gotten beyond bad to this day. Arizona is the most violent state in the US. It’s where it is striking with immigration the most and families are being torn apart. Not only is it bad in Arizona but all over the country. It all comes back to racism, you look a certain way, you fit the profile a certain way, your automatically looked as an immigrant.

The Islamic Mosque, The Burning of The Quran, and Immigration are all similar and important matters out in the world. Ones that have just begun and ones that have been around, which haven’t ended till this day.

We deal with the good and we deal with the bad. We have all been through tough and amazing memories, that we will always remember. Some are unforgettable memories like the 9/11. Which I was too young to remember and feel what was revolving around me. Today, the Islamic culture is building a center; Islamic Mosque. Its located very near to the location where the 9/11 occurred. The people who lost close ones, others who just care and want their opinions to be heard, dislike that its being built so close. They feel that its total disrespect to the ones who were lost because its an Islamic center. Muslims were the ones who attacked on that tragic day, but who says their all the same. Who says that every Muslim out there, are coming with bad intentions to try to hurt us. I think that as them thinking that, they are being judge mental, towards others, towards Muslim. We are all one, no matter what religion we may study. We all want the same things, love and peace. My opinion on this is, I don’t see it as total disrespect. I’m my own person and I have my own opinion towards these things. Why I don’t see it being wrong is because, if it were some other religion try to start a center there, no one would have ever noticed it. However, the public decides to notice and take it as an opportunity to bash on the Islamic religion. Saying their disrespecting the memory of the lost lives. We should put this stuff aside and focus on other things. I’m not saying its not important, but people should really notice what else is going on around them.

The Quran is the Islamic Bible. A pastor named, Terry Jones plans on burning every Quran Bible he gets donated to his church. His plan is to burn it on the anniversary of the 9/11. There has been major chaos towards his plan of doing. His opinion is that the Islamic religion is the religion of the devil, and anyone who is part of it, will end up in hell. What I think on this is, that its complete bullshit. I do NOT agree and others who follow him, need to find a different hobby. This is my opinion, no one has to agree with me but I haven’t heard of Muslims being so hateful. Terry wants to “honor” 9/11 by doing what he thinks is good and brave. He thought that this would be him standing up for others and facing off the Islamic religion. The situation with burning the bible, my in take of it is, I truly but sincerely still don’t understand why his urge to do bad. I get it it’s what he believes, but even after all the other stuff that’s been going on, why keep it moving. 9/11 was a tragedy, with lots of chaos, why keep that madness of sad lost lives circling. It brings sadness to everyone around, I know it does to me. In the end, Terry canceled; not for sure but he put it off because they have also put off the building of the Islamic center. He says he is still going forward with it just isn’t sure when.

What can I say about immigration. First of all, I’m Mexican and I sure wouldn’t want someone so close to me have to leave my side. The question here is, Is immigration right or wrong? I’m not exactly sure. A true writer always looks and talks about both sides, even if she/he may not agree with one of the sides. I understand how its wrong, but I feel its right. This all comes from personal experience. My grandma is no longer by my side, she is now back in Mexico, alone with no one by HER side. I miss her dearly, and so does the rest of my family. I would understand how its right, their family, everyone has family. Its wrong because obviously, the United States was built on a foundation, you have to be legal to live here. Immigration, is racism, its judgment, and hate. Its all over in the United States, not just in Arizona however, its mostly focused there because of a new law. A law that states, if your parents are illegal and you as the child a citizen of the United States, will still be sent back with you parents to Mexico. No chances, no life. We come to the USA for freedom, peace, and a home. We do all the right things, go to school, get jobs and for what to still be judged in the end. I wish, it would all just stop, we all hope.

The Islamic Mosque, is being taken as disrespect. The burning of The Quran is hurting not only us here in the United States, but everyone else outside the lines. Immigration has gotten worse, in Arizona, all over the USA. Everyone is being affected by this everyday. Soldiers, family’s, religion groups, till the last one of us. Why do we do it, I’m not entirely sure.

Show and Tell

My Vans.

They hold me high, and bring me joy.

They mean everything to me.

Their my harbor which I stand on day by day.

Orange like my Orange Converse.

Gray like my Loveable Ipod.

Purple like my Rad Phone.

Green like an Ego Friendly Recycle Sign.

Black like a broken heart on a rainy day..

They are special.

I quote on them,

"Will you runaway with me?"

"Traveling Together Endlessly."

"Dudeeee, I'm Radd."

"And you'll hear my heart beat, for you."

"I won't walk away from you."

My Vans.

Haiku Poem - My Last Day

"The sunrises and the sunsets, we wake up and sleep to dream.

Deep thoughts, day by day we fail to be realistic, stuck in time.

No time, there's never enough time, we will fail in life with no success."

My Sophomore Year.

My sophomore year has been very much exciting. I have made new friends, learned many new things in class, and I can surely say that I've changed inside and out. The friends I currently have are amazing, and I wouldn't change them for the world. All the people that have come into my life, and revolve around me have made a change to my living. They all mean something different to me and I will always remember every single one. My teachers hold many knowledge and its sad that the year has ended, and I didn't even explore half of what they know. The year has made me really think about what I want in my future, who should be in it, and who should be left behind. I think and think and whoever I write about in my final for English class is who truly matters.

My incredible best friends! I have many, and their all very different. I have gotten super close to a group of guys that mean the world to me now. They are so much fun to be around, and I always have a good time when we hang out. Just this year, I meet them and I already think they are awesome. It takes me very long to get use to someone, and to be able to say that their my best friends. Their names are, Josh, Aaron, Ricardo, Jacob, Bryce, Nelder, Carlos, and Dj. They are the Party Boys and I am their manager. Yes their manager, I order them around; just kidding but I do promote them. They make hilarious videos, and I am amused daily. I started hang out with them close to the beginning of the school year, and that's when I knew, we are going to be friends for a really long time. My best friend Vanessa; since kinder garden has been with me since freshman year. I'm so lucky to have a best friend like her. She's been with me through the ups and downs, through the drama, and even when we get in trouble by the administers. We back each other up. Last year, freshman year, we almost stopped being friends. the whole high school experience got to us, we made new friends, and lost communication with each other. Sophomore year definitely brought us back to being friends again. We have gotten so much closer, and we realized that we were definitely meant to be best friends. My recently best friend Denise, so such an amazing person. We have lots in common and I trust her. Us three, Dianna, Vanessa, and Denise form DVD. Its silly, but were best friends till the end. Yani and marissa are teenage girls that are friends with a teenage girl named Dianna. I appreciate them for being my friends and sticking with me through that 10% of drama I had this year.We have all gotten our taste of drama, like everyone else in high school. Crushing on boys, girls talking smack, friend problems, backstabbing, and it goes on. I declare myself lucky though, I didn't even have half of that in my sophomore year. Thanks to, well thanks to  everyone. I don't need any of that in my life especially not when I'm suppose to be having the time of my life, with all my friends and family, and anybody else who wants to join in. My girls, Vero, Liz, Daisy, Paola, I can fall back and they'll be there to catch me. They always have my back, and I just love them to death. We all share and trust. We do have our own secrets; like any other teenage girl but were all there in the end when needed. Theses are the people I know and love, they mean so much to me, and I know I will be friends with them for a really long time.

I thank all my teacher this year, for influenceing me to do good, and be successful. They have taught me much, and I appreciate it to the fullest. The year has been great and I've learned many things that I never thought I would ever need. I was wrong. What your teachers teach, is what's really important throughout your high school experience, and well they're pretty much useful even after high school. They have pushed me to know that there is no limit to knowledge, to take everything handed to you. be respectful to everyone, the thought and action will be returned. Many things that have caught my eye towards the sayings teachers have told me, what they've shown me, I really do thank every single one of them.

I have changed in so many ways this year. I will say it straight forward, I'm a bitch. I'm mean and rude at times, but that's only because up to now I've realized that life amazing. The years made me bitter, and gloomy. With all the new friends, and new people I have meet this following years, its all made a big difference. I use to really keep to myself and not trust one single soul; except Vanessa. I wouldn't care about school that much, but all this talk about "you can be whoever you want when you grow up", its amazing. Laugh out loud right, I sound silly but I had never really thought about what I wanted to be when I got older. Now I plan everything, I know what I want, who I want to be, where I want to go, I know it all. My out look on life has changed completely, I'm not as selfish, I do many things that I thought were lame last year. I recycle, I help save water, paper etc. I care more about my school academics, I smile more. I have most certainly gotten more nicer, and less rude. I've matured. My sense of still have gone from more relaxed and chill, then OVER THE TOP HAIR AND MAKE UP! Like other girls, lets not say who because this essay is about me and me only. I'm working on that nice thing, because I'm not kidding about the, "I am mean" thing. Like I said, my experience with life before made me bitter. I have been told though, that I am a bit nicer, which counts but really I'm only mean to someone if I think that they deserve my unfriendliness character.

The future holds a lot for me and for the friends I choose to have by my side. I have many dreams, and hopes and reality wishes, I know that they are possible. I love the people that are in my life at the moment, and the others that are to come. The drama will be left behind, because we will be starting a new year; a new chapter in life. Al ls forgotten, and what's to be remembered will be good memories only. I will forever take the knowledge that I have learned with me, and remember the nice teachers I had back in 2009-2010. I will look back and see how much I have changed through out the years, and laugh about it. Laugh like its my very last day.

wisdom quote. 666♥

"When life is at an end, don’t think you'll be forgotten; being 'awesome' is always remembered by everyone."

-Awesome: Causing awe or terror; inspiring wonder or excitement; Excellent, exciting, remarkable.

What my wisdom quote means is, even if you have left mother earth, you will be remembered by those who know and love you. Being awesome is no crime, and you will be well know for it.

Doing what makes you happy, what makes others happy, Its what you live for. You try your best at everything because you never know when it'll be your last chance to make things right. You succeed and love making others look and admire you. Day by day you make new challenges for your self, knowing that someday it will be your turn to exit life. Leaving your trade mark; your calling, as in being awesome and staying away from being a bad person will give people a wanting to remember you. Being awesome; be nice, have a life of excitement. No gloom is in you, and people that notice, they want to be around you.

I love to be around my friends, and the quote goes the same for them. I know that their awesome, and that when it is their time, I will always keep them close to my heart. Having a cool personality always gives people a sign that your really fun to be around with, and that counts for more than anything within you.

anything.

Anything is possible - 

For my last and final assignment I would like to talk about how much all my friends mean to me. I never thought that I would grow so close to them, as much as I am now. The great thing about it is that, their not girls, their guys. Well, there are three girls, but all the rest are guys; counting eight guy best friends. They are all very awesome and outgoing. There isn’t enough meanings to explain how much every single one of them means to me.

Denise, Me, and Vanessa :)

I would like to start with my best friend, Vanessa. Which has been like my sister since the year, 1996. We are super close, and we have many things in common but with the things we don’t, it just seems to bring us closer. She completes me, and I complete her. We do everything together, and were always together. I enjoy her company, I feel like she’s that best friend/sister I never had. If you would see us, how crazy, but how much fun we bring to ourselves and others, you would have the time of your life. There are no words to explain how much I love her, there are no words to tell her how much she means to me, but I give her all I can. Best friends forever Vanessa.                                

My recent friend, Denise is amazing. We just recently became really close friends, and I can surely declare her as one of my best friends. Denise is really funny and so much fun to be around with. I trust her, and I let her know how much I love her daily. We have many things we share, and many secrets. I talk, she listens, she talks I listen. I admire how outgoing she is with everyone, and everyone loves her very much, as do I.

My best of best of best friend Yanitzel. This girl is incredible. I admire her so much! I look up to her and her accomplishments. She’s invincible, smart, funny, she can do anything. I have gotten really close to her since freshman year. I can still remember the first day I started talking to her, we were in yearbook class, and it all started with a book. “The Twilight Saga” book. She turned me into a super book worm, I read on my spear time, all the time. I thank her though, books are amazing and they are full of adventures ready to be put into readers minds around the world. We will remain friends for a really long time, enjoying the magic that books hold for us.

The guys,

First guy, Ricardo. What can I say about Ricardo, he is super funny! I can say, I love him, as a close best friend. I never thought that I could become so close to someone as I have with him. Yes, he’s a guy, I trust him. I share my deep secrets with him, and I know they are safe. I’m speechless, and its really hard to explain what his friendship means to me. All I know is that we will be friends for a really long time, and he and the rest of the guys will remember my birth date for years to come.

Ricardo.

Aaron!!! Double A Ron, my closest best friend. I have know Aaron for a few years now, but this year me and him became best friends for life! We can talk about the most random things, and have the weirdest conversations for hours. We text, hang out, and have loads of fun, we always have fun. He’s hilarious, and really cool to be around with.

                                 Josh, Jacob, Bryce, and Aaron

Josh, my very first guy friend! I remember when I told him he was my best friend, I didnt ask, I stated we were best friends. He is the funniest, and coolest person in the world. I alway shave a blast when we hang out. He makes everything more exciting, and bring adventures to life. Josh tends to have weird habbits, and they always end up sticking to our vocabulary. For example: Yo, nah, take two. He's super hilarious :D

Then theres Jacob. He's super tall, and really nice. I always have a smile when he's around. He knows how to make me laugh, even when i'm in the worst mood. Jacob is Vanesssa's best friend, but I declare him as mine too. He's always reminding me of how much fun were going to have this summer (2010). I know we will, I ALWAYS have fun when we all hang out.

Bryce, geeze what can I say about Bryce. Like ive said their funny, and really awesome. Bryce does the funniest voices, and the most hilarious expressions in the world! I'm always laughing, of couse not at him but with him. Well, a little at him because he's being funny in a physical, and verbal way. I have a big cheeser on my face every time I see him.

I just recently met Dj. He's really nice, and shy. Well around me anyways. I went straight forward, and demanded him to become my newest best friend, and now he is. New friends always the best, I still have many things to learn about him, personality, what's his favorite drink, that kind of stuff. There is tons of time for that though, I will never forget neither one of them.

Nelder, that goof! Nelder is by far the funniest person ever! He has the best personality, and I am never bored when he comes and hangs out with us. He is very random, I literally laugh for hours when he does something out of the blue. The weirdest things happen to him though, and its always him. Danger seems to follow him, that Nelder.

Carlos, he is really nice, and outgoing. Always there for you if you need him. I always thought of carlos as the more adult one. He is, but he sure knows how to have fun. He always knows what to do for fun, and we all seem to agree with him. All his ideas turn out great and we have loads of fun.

They all mean something different to me, but one thing they all have in common is that they are all my bestf riends :D I never thought that I would meet a group of guys, and have so much friendship feeling towards them. They are amazing!

 

other person for a day.

If I could be someone for a day, it would be superman my favorite superhero of all time! I love to read comics and watch his cartoons with the justice league . Its would be way awesome to fly high in the sky, and helping save others; doing good with the community. Superman just has so much strength, and a positive attitude towards doing good to make people’s lives safer. I help others, but I would want that taste of doing a big change in someone’s day and or a big change in the world. He is such an inspiration to others, and everyone looks up to him.

To have the chance to wear a superhero suit, to help others, fly, have unlimited strength, but also to have a normal life at the same time would be an incredible life experience. Having a secret identity, if what anyone would wish for. As well as everyone else, I admire him too. He chooses to help save lives, instead of using his will power to destroy and to do bad to humanity.

betrayal between friends.

One thing I know at this very moment is that Sophia and I aren’t ever going to be friends again. Not after what she did to me; not ever. I wished the whole thing could have had a different out come, but I guess the wish was too big to be made. She was my best friend, and I was hers. It wasn’t big enough of a friendship to stay alive. She betrayed me, and in a way I think I betrayed her too. That sounds weird, coming from the one that was totally humiliated in front of everyone. The one that cried herself to sleep, night after night, but than again, what if she did the same. What if she felt like she had been humiliated too. Nothings ever certain till its said out loud by that person; the one screaming with rage, wanting to say what’s on their mind. Their mute. Their lips are silent up until having the courage, and Sophia and I sure had that courage that one gloomy night.

October 8 - 9:04am

Being best friends with someone you’ve known your whole life, is easy but hard at times. Scarlet is my name and my bestie is Sophia. Sophia is the kind of girl that no one can ever find and say they have a sister by heart like mine. She’s unique; my other half. Your best friend can turn into you worst enemy at any given time. I fear, but I love her so much that it doesn’t cross my mind, too often..

October 9 - 11:44pm

Today was odd. Sophia was acting like her complete opposite. Rude, loud; not that she isn’t loud already but it was an annoying loud today. I felt irritated with herby lunch time, I didn’t really want to hang out with her, but were friends. Someone would see us apart and BANG the rumors fly. “ Scarlet and Sophia aren’t hanging out; another friendship gone wrong.’ It amuses me, but I really wouldn’t care right now if that started going around. Maybe she would quit being stupid with me. I’m glad it’s a Friday, we have the weekend to revise things.

October 12 7:48am

Chemistry, boring. I feel like all my classes are pointless. Too easy. I need to change my schedule; AP classes sound good. I like a challenge. Well, I tried to talk to Sophia this past weekend. What I mean as in “tried”, I called her, sent her texts, called her house phone; no answer. Irritated is my mood. Earlier this morning I waited for her by the main cafeteria, like always; no show. I felt stupid, just waiting there for her. The worst part is coming, I walked into the cafeteria and there she was, with two other girls that I had never seen before! What was happening? Did I do something wrong, for her to ditch me like that. I was being ignored, I’m definitely frustrated with her now.

October 12 - 8:14pm

I was right. As soon as people saw that Sophia and I weren’t hanging out., the rumors were spread. Great, rumors. Everyone loves to hear people talk about them behind their backs. Sophia avoided me all day. The classes we had together were even more boring because she sat as far as possible from me. She was sitting with one of the girls from this morning, and they looked like they had been friends forever. Maybe even as long we had been, “been”. Sounds weird, I don’t think were friends anymore..

October 13 - 4:37am

I woke up oddly early today. I’ve been having random flickers of events in my nightmares. Yes, nightmares. I have this horrible gut feeling the whole time. I’m running down an empty park, because I’m being chased. I’m not sure by who, then the whole scene changes. Now I’m outside Sophia’s house and their standing right in front of me, all three of them. Their holding objects, the gut feeling comes back and I feel unsteady. Are they really going to hurt me? I’m so afraid. Then I awake, and find myself lying on my bed; soaking in sweat.

I keep wondering what I did wrong. Why out of know where, she is choosing them over me. Friends since toddlers. I just want things to be how they use to.

October 28 - 8:44pm

Its been awhile since I’ve wrote down my thoughts, but nothings changed. Still having bad nightmares of “them” trying to hurt me. Were still not friends, especially not after what she did to me in the cafeteria a couple days ago.

I was walking, going to my usual table; alone. As I was walking she put her foot out in my path, I tripped and fell as hard as no other. My food was all over my clothes, and hair. She stood in front of me and laughed, as did everybody else. “WHAT DID I DO!?” I screamed at her, but she just laughed. I ran to the bathroom crying, I called my mom to come pick me up. I didn’t go to school for three days straight after that. I was humiliated. I tried so hard to avoid people that were around when I had been tripped, it did work. They saw me and just laughed, and as soon as they thought I was out of hearing range they start talking; I could hear them though. I would ignore them, close my thoughts and hearing and just focus on school.

October 30 - 8:00am

It’s the day before Halloween, and the gut feeling from my nightmares has turned into, reality pain. Before I started writing, Sophia and the other two girls came up to me and gave me an invitation to Sophia’s annual Halloween party. That use to be something me and her planned, we would invite everybody. She has them now. They sound so nice when handing me the invite; the gut feeling grew stronger when I touched to invitation. I tried to ignore it though, they were being nice; inviting me to the party. I was going to show up and hang with them, and maybe Sophia and I would become best friends again. I hope that’s how it plays out tomorrow night.

October 31 - 6:04pm HALLOWEEN DAY.

They were being super nice today, I sat with them at lunch and we all hung out for awhile after school. Everything was changing for me, everything was starting to get better.

I was planning to dress up as a cheerleader. Sophia and had said we were going to be ugly cheerleaders of Halloween. We hated those stuck up girls that thought everybody loved their blond hair and blue eyes, yeah right. We were the opposite; down to earth girls. I had my costume on and I was on my way to the party. I’m excited; was my last thought when I got off my car.

One thing I know at this very moment is that Sophia and I aren’t ever going to be friends again. Not after what she did to me; not ever. I wished the whole thing could have had a different out come, but I guess the wish was too big to be made. She was my best friend, and I was hers. It wasn’t big enough of a friendship to stay alive. She betrayed me, and in a way I think I betrayed her too. That sounds weird, coming from the one that was totally humiliated in front of everyone. The one that cried herself to sleep, night after night, but than again, what if she did the same. What if she felt like she had been humiliated too. Nothings ever certain till its said out loud by that person; the one screaming with rage, wanting to say what’s on their mind. Their mute. Their lips are silent up until having the courage, and Sophia and I sure had that courage that one gloomy night.

We said the truth to each other, and we said lies. We told each other our secrets but there were some secrets that just couldn’t be said out loud. Not ever. We “were” best friends. I loved her, and I think she loved me too. We were sisters, that’s the promise we had made to each other when we were five years old, at the very same park she decided to use as her scene. I never thought she would do such a horrible thing, especially to me; her sister.

“Your best friend can turn into your worst enemy at any given time.”

I screamed and pleaded. I asked why she was doing all of this. No answer. I cried, and just let them do what they had been planning to do to me. It was done, I lost all nerve and I was now gone; from the beautiful earth I once called my home.

I am dead, buried under the ground; at the very same spot where we swore we would never hurt each other. Now I will never understand why she stopped being my friend, why she went so far as into kill me. Why?! I will never know the truth, I have been betrayed, used. Wasted friendship, betrayal is the right word for this whole damage.. I’m far gone now.